The Struggle

One of the challenges I have faced over the years is assessing the authenticity of my faith in God. Some might use a different phrase like seeking an “assurance of salvation”. There is a plethora of scriptural lessons that call for an examination of my claim to be a follower of Jesus Christ. It has been said by sound biblical teachers:

“You may have a profession of faith, but the important question is do you have a possession of faith?”

How many people make the claim that they believe in God? The Apostle James would say, “Congratulations! So do the demons who with such spiritual awareness shudder in fear. How about you?” (James 2:19 – my translation).

Part of what stimulated my inner assessment was a passage I read from Matthew’s gospel when I was first becoming acquainted with one named Jesus. Near the conclusion of the great Sermon on the Mount, Jesus made this observation:

Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS.’

Matthew 7:21-23

Over the years, I was memorizing the lines, studying the scriptures, learning all the “Christianese”, and going through the spiritual motions. But in fact, I wondered if I was doing nothing more than playing games with God. Did I really believe all this stuff? I came to the place where I knew a lot about God, but I feared I didn’t know the God who I knew a lot about. Where was that intimate relationship with the God that many spoke about? If Jesus Christ was who he claimed to be then how could I be anything but all in? And if my faith was genuine, then why was I living with such an ongoing battle with sin in my life? Yeah, lots of questions.

And so, I have struggled not wanting to get to the end of my journey and hear those dreaded words, “I never knew you”? Some might suggest that I am over thinking it, digging to deeply, trying to deny the gift of grace. To be clear, this has nothing to do with works salvation. It’s a consideration of the authenticity of the heart which through abiding in Christ should produce fruit consistent with the claim to be a true follower of Jesus Christ. It was the Apostle Paul who encouraged us to examine ourselves to see if we are in the faith (2 Cor. 13:5). In the end, the assurance of our salvation does come through a complete understanding of God’s grace – a gift of faith, not as a result of works (Eph. 2:8-9). But I can’t deny my experiences in this spiritual journey and would like to join with you in exploring what God might want to reveal to us. I have a suspicion that I am not alone in “The Struggle”.